My boyfriend is abusive

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am 25 and my boyfriend is 28 years of age. We have dated for the past two years.  Hopefully we have decided to tie the knot early next year. He is a very good and kind man. But his abusive nature is getting out of hand.

I am aware every individual have flaws but my husband’s attitude is putting me off.

He would slap, insult or beat me up whenever there is a misunderstanding.

I have complained to my parents about his attitude yet they are telling me to be patient since I don’t know my faith in the next relationship.

 My parents are pleading with me to marry him because he would turn a new leaf.  I am torn between leaving him and maintaining him.

Akushika, Lapaz.

Dear Akushika,

If your boyfriend is already abusive before marriage, do not ignore it or assume marriage will change him.

 Abuse is not a sign of love, and marriage does not automatically make an abusive person become better.

If he insults you, threatens you, controls you, humiliates you, beats you, or constantly makes you afraid, you have every right to reconsider the relationship and call off the marriage.

 Your safety and peace of mind should come before the wedding plans, family expectations, or money already spent on preparations.

Speak to someone you trust and, if necessary, seek professional or legal support. If you fear that he may hurt you when you tell him you are ending the relationship, do not confront him alone. Make your safety plan first and involve trusted people.

It is better to stop a marriage today than to enter a marriage hoping that an abusive partner will change tomorrow. You are not failing by choosing to protect yourself. You are making a decision about your future and your safety.