A horrifying encounter with a terrible woman

Wherever there is darkness, evil thrives. Load-shedding had brought darkness to Sika­man and the rate of sin has gone up dramatically. When I caught a young man practically working up a young girl in the dark near my home around midnight, I knew the effects of load shedding were becoming far-reaching.

Kwame Alomele tall and halt naked suddenly burst onto the scene guess the lovers became frightened by my height and apparent size and before I could say Jack the horrified forni­cators had taken off like Olympic athletes. Perhaps they thought I was the latest ghost in town.

In fact I couldn’t sleep that night because of the heat: it was when I came out almost naked to get some breeze that I saw the human dogs moaning excitedly.

At first I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. And I am not used to watching such live performances. The problem is that I am a born-again Christian. Any-how before I could come to terms with the goings-on of the orgiastic ceremony, there was a sudden ruffle and then the quick shuffling of feet almost simultane­ously didn’t know girls could also run that fast.

I am pretty sure they were damn scared and would never try it again around my territory. It is dangerous territory. You wouldn’t know when Kwame Alomele will appear in white and cause horror and panic.

Apart from the unbearable heat one has to face on load-shedding nights, you are also denied cold drinks. These days some of us have to pick a taxi to non-load-shedding areas to chill. It was last week Saturday when I made one such trip, and what an experience it was.

I was chilling contentedly and enjoying the breeze when a young woman of about 28 walked slowly and came to my table. I looked up at her and waited for her to talk. She said nothing.

“Are you looking for me?” I asked.

“I thought you were my brother who said I should meet him here. He looks exactly like you.”

“I see, look around, maybe he is hanging around somewhere in that corner,” I told her.

She looked around with disinterest and said her brother was nowhere around. I expected her to re-trace her steps and walk off. She didn’t.

Instead she said, “Well, once I haven’t seen my brother, I might as well sit here with you”. She sat down and smiled at me. I looked at her, examining her features carefully to make sure I was not dealing with any common ghost. She asked for a drink and I asked her to pick it up herself at the counter.

She stood up and while walking to the counter, she dangled her weighty buttocks. I was impressed.

She came back with a bottle of Guinness. “As for me, I don’t like drinking,” she declared. A little Guinness or malt is all I take. But I must confess that I want to spend the night with you that’s why I am here. I like your structure-thick tall. Are you a prince?

I was amused I wasn’t even a neph­ew of an Odikro much more becoming a prince. I took my drink quietly and she talked on. Knowing she was a prostitute, I feigned interest in her just to keep up the conversation.

How much do you charge for full night? I asked.

Charge? I don’t charge, I am not a prostitute. When you sleep with me, whatever you give me, I take.”

“I am not a greedy person believe me. Well I said, “I am really not in the mood today. You can meet here tomorrow same time and we’ll go and have a nice time. Do you know any hotels around? “Plenty! But I want to sleep with you tonight,” am really in love with you.”

Not tonight, No way! I am sleeping with you tonight by force,” she said emphatically and aggressively.

I became alarmed. What did she mean? Was she going force me into bed? Not Kwame Alomele, no matter how honey I become.

“Well, you know something, “I proposed, “I know you are only after the money. So you get this ¢2,000 and leave me alone.”

“Who told you I want money?” she asked me. I want money alright but I also want to have sex tonight. I feel for you. I know a hotel around the cor­ner. Please, hurry with your drink and let’s go.”

“I am not interested,” I said. “I don’t know you from anywhere: how can I sleep with you? You may even be a ghost.” She laughed aloud.

“A ghost? She asked soon after. “If you see a ghost you can’t recognise it? Well I am not a ghost. I am a darling. If you say you are not in the mood for sex, I can do something to help you. I’ll buy two raw eggs, mix it with condensed milk for you to take. You’ll never stop coming. You can go four rounds.”

I was quite fascinated with her brand of sex therapy. She might have studied a very crude form of bio­chemistry and wanted to apply on Kwame Alomele. Wallahi

I finished my drink, got up to leave and she got up quickly and followed me. Close markings! I told her I’ll pick a taxi home and she responded by saying we were not going home but to a hotel. “You’ll like the style I’ll display for you.

You’ll forget about your wife for good; if you like let’s bet.”

I realised I was in trouble. I started watching out for a taxi that would have only one vacant space at the back so that I could leave without her. She realised my intention and cautioned. “I’ll drag you out if you want to leave me behind; if you like try.

I now had to use my wits to get away from the evil woman who was as tall as myself. I couldn’t underrate her strength. In fact she had muscles and I guess I was in for it. Moreover I didn’t want her to create a scene.

Craftily I told her I had changed my mind and that I was prepared to go to the hotel with her after all. I’d look for an empty taxi so that we could start the romance in the back seat to precede the actual show­down, I told her.

She was glad. She drew closer to me. Oh my dear. She crooned. “I knew you were going to agree. You only wanted to bluff me small, isn’t it?”

Of course. I must bluff a bit. After all, I am a prince. Am I not? She laughed.

I espied an empty taxi coming but deliberately allowed to pass. She called my attention: That’s an empty one; I stopped it quickly.

“Hold on. I told her “They charge exorbitantly if you appear too inter­ested in them. Wait here and let me go bargain with the driver.”

“You rather wait, “she replied. “I’ll bargain with him. These drivers they are swine”

“Please, you are a woman. Bar­gaining is a man’s job. Just stand by.”

“No problem.”

I walked to the cab and told the driver quietly that as soon as I jump into the front seat, he should speed away.

“Aren’t you going with the lady?” he asked with concern.

I say speed away. Don’t ask me questions. I am paying for the job”

In a sudden flash, the woman saw me open the front door and jump into the seat. She dashed in my direction with lightning speed. At that very mo­ment, the driver revved the engine, released the clutch and fired the accelerator.

The car jerked forward, landed in a pot-hole, came out of it and veered from the road towards a large gutter. The driver skilfully controlled the car and brought it back on track and powered the accelerator furiously.

I turned to look back and saw to my horror that this woman was chas­ing the car. Her speed was unbeliev­able. This woman is not human, I said to myself.

Indeed it was a real- load-shed­ding experience for me.

This article was first publish on Saturday, February 28, 1998