Obaa Yaa
My sister’s husband is making advances at me
We lost our father when our eldest brother was nine years old and l was three years by then.
My father was the bread-winner of the family and we enjoyed unconditional love from him and his preparedness to give us any assistance we needed.
Following his demise, l envisaged the trouble that awaited my mother who must single-handedly cater for us.
A good friend of my father occasionally assisted in paying our school fees and further sponsored our eldest brother to the university, and arranged for one of his cousins to marry my elder sister.
My sister’s husband has been very supportive of my family based on this, my sister asked that l should stay with her and the husband wholeheartedly agreed to the relief to my mother.
Though there is joy in the house and things are moving on well, my sister’s husband is making fast advances at me.
On the first occasion, he opened the door when l was bathing and my sister had gone to the hospital to weigh her child.
Having realised the shock in my face, he quickly apologised and said it was a mistake and that he did not know l was there.
I took him for his word and accepted his apology as coming from a genuine heart. After a week, he touched my buttocks when l was washing. I chuckled and told him to stop such acts else l would inform my sister.
He later gave me GH¢2,000.00 and asked me not to tell my sister about the incident and that he had given me money to seal my mouth.
This man entered my room one night and wanted to sleep with me when my sister was taking her bath. He pleaded with me that he would give me more money if l allowed him to sleep with me.
I am now disturbed because my sister will not take it kindly if she gets to know of any intimate relationship between her husband and me.
What should l do to avoid shame and save my sister’s marriage?
Araba, Cape Coast.
Dear Araba,
Thank God that you have not succumbed to his sexual desires which will definitely stain your character and probably destroy your future.
This man should not hide behind his generosity to make a fool of you and bring enmity between you and your sister. It will be an abominable act if you allow him to have his way and your sister will not trust you in life as this will forever spoil the relationship between you and your sister.
It is important for you to leave the house in order to maintain your respect and save the marriage of your sister.
You must confide in your mother who will persuade your sister to release you to return to your mother’s place.
My dad has threatened not to attend my wedding; instead, he has been raining curses on me.
Each morning and night, he would call and rain curses on me, telling me I was bringing shame and bad luck to my marriage because I told him, my step father will be present.
I have personally been to his house to invite him, yet he keeps telling me he can’t make it. What should I do?
Kwesi,
Suhum
Dear Kwesi,
Your dad’s curses, guilt, and threats come from his pain and fear of losing his role, but that doesn’t make his behaviour idle.
You can love him as your father and still set a firm boundary for him.
If he crosses that line, end the call or stop replying his messages. Protect your wedding and your peace by limiting contact, especially late at night and early morning, and stand by your partner.
Remember, respecting your dad doesn’t mean erasing the role your stepdad played – both can matter without problems.
Don’t let his behaviour dictate the start of your marriage. You can’t control if he comes around, but you can control not letting his anger affect your emotions.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Before we got married five years ago, my husband told me that his former wife left him shortly after he lost his job following a financial scandal which rocked the company.
But thanks be to God that the court cleared him and ordered the company to pay him for the five years he stayed at home for wrongful dismissal.
As soon as this ex-wife heard that the company had complied with the court’s orders and paid him, she shamelessly declared that she was making a comeback and has vowed to kick me out of my matrimonial home at all cost.
She promised to hire ‘machomen’ to throw my things out of the house and was prepared to bear the consequence for that action.
Even though my husband has assured me that this would never happen, her ex is bent on disturbing my peace.
What should I do?
Adzo,
Tafo.
Dear Bertha,
The lady is threatening to use violence against you. That’s constitutes a breach of the law and she must be reported to the police for issuing those threats.
However, I will advise you to discuss it with your husband so that you are not seen as acting entirely on your own.
As a matter of fact, it is only the police that can handle this matter professionally and must be involved, unless of course your husband talks to his ex-wife to stop harassing you. So have a good discussion with your husband about the matter. All the best.
